City vs Country

Right now I live in the suburbs about 45 minutes outside of DC, but to me it feels like the boonies. I have friends who live out in the country and love it, but I think I've always been a city person.

Even when I was little like 5 or 6 I can remember see the bright lights of the city and being so excited - I'd yell "the city, the city". Holiday Inn hotels also caused the same excitement for some reason, as did stopping at "South of the Border" on the way to Florida.

Living in the suburbs is kind of a compromise. Now I have a daughter so for her sake I live in the suburbs. We used to live in the inner suburbs, 10 minutes from the 14th street bridge in DC. But we wanted a newer house - so we compromised and moved out here. It reminds me of Stepford - full of perfect manicured lawns, HOA's and perfectly planned playdates complete with crafts.

I'd have never dreamed that this would be my life if you asked me 20 years ago when I lived in a squat in Hackney (part of London). Not that I would still want to be in a squat and after almost 4 years of living in London we moved to the US in 1991. I was from the DC area and my husband was from Scotland but we met in London. I guess I thought I would have a more urban, trendy lifestyle but somehow it morphed into a suburban life that took hold of us.

Although it's very nice here for kids - I feel like a square block trying to fit into a round hole. I join Mom's clubs, talk to neighbors, set up playdates, try occasionally going to church but somehow it just doesn't feel like me. Although for the past few years I have questioned who "me" is anymore.